bi-vocational

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Surviving Bi-vocational Student Ministry- part 3: For Better or Worse

Posted by Rev. Bro. Coach on January 9, 2015
Posted in: The Mindful Minute. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments
Photo Dec 30, 11 40 51 AM

I would not be the Student Pastor I am today without this Godly woman in my life to encourage, love, and occasionally smack me. Praise God, I am blessed better than I deserve.

I can’t tell you how excited I am for this segment of my series on surviving Bi-Vocational Student Ministry. For this very special segment, we look at and explore an often thankless and overlooked aspect of Student Ministry- the role of the Student Pastor’s wife. Let’s face it, these ladies are practically super human in all that they do. They are wife, mom, ministry partner, prayer partner, encourager, accountant, fundraising expert, hostess, counselor…the list goes on and on. I can tell you from my own experience, my ministry WOULD NOT survive, exist, or even run without my wife.  She is my hero and I can not begin to fathom all that she does and still manages to find the will, strength, and time to love me. That is why, tonight, I have asked my wonderful, beautiful, and loving bride to be a guest blogger on the Mindful Minute so that you can get a true picture of what it’s like to be married to a Bi-Vocational Student Pastor; and maybe uncover some helpful hints on how to survive both the ministry and the often overworked, overstretched student pastor/husband on your hands.  Ladies and Gentlemen- my wife…Jan Jones

 

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So my husband asked me to write an article about being the wife of a bi-vocational student minister.  I am not the eloquent writer that he is, so I apologize ahead of time.

First I need to explain that not only is my husband bi-vocational, he is up to his elbows in teenagers all the time.  Both jobs deal with teens, just in completely different ways.  It is interesting to see how he interacts with the different groups because they come from drastically different backgrounds. It is important that you understand how much teenagers play a role in our lives because it shapes the way we live, teach, and raise our own family.  Working in a church, no matter the role, affects every part of your life, not just that one part that happens in the church building. It curls and winds its way into every part of your being.  Sunday lunches are no longer just our family; we have teens that go with us because we are as much their family as they are ours. Calendar planning is centered around the student ministry as are vacations and conversations in the car. These are not complaints, we wouldn’t have it any other way, we love our teenagers and all that comes with it.  We chose this path knowing it was not going to be easy. That being said, the struggle comes with maintaining our identity as a family.

We joke that our boys spend more time in the car going to church or church events than they do at their own home.  However, that is not entirely a joke.  Being bi-vocational comes with sacrifices – mostly time.  We have worked really hard to maintain a schedule where our boys are involved in something for just them like cub scouts, baseball, or basketball without teenagers there to take our attention away from them.  We have purposefully made time so they can stay home at least one night a week and just play.  We also take the chance to let the boys spend the night at friends and families houses so Keith and I can have a date night or time to just ourselves. If you let your teens know that these are important to you, they will respect those times and you will be amazed at the lengths they will go to protect those times for you.  These are things that you HAVE to do or you will get so burned out and fail in your ministry because you feel you are failing as a parent or spouse.

As far as being a bi-vocational student minster’s wife, I don’t feel like there is any other way to live my life.  Church and student ministry in particular have always played a huge part in my life growing up, it seems only natural that I would find myself in this place.  Sure I am tired after work and then have to go to church, or I have spent an entire Sunday from 9:00 to 8:00 at church with teenagers plus my own kids, or I have to be encouraging to others when I am not feeling particularly encouraging, but that is okay because all the good things completely outweigh the bad days. You have to understand that being the wife of a Bi-Vocational Student Pastor isn’t about simply surviving, and it isn’t even about your husband- it’s about you as a family. The decision to accept this life is one that the FAMILY makes, the FAMILY accepts, and the FAMILY chooses to live.  I know I am leading the life I am supposed to be living and I feel I am raising my kids the way God wants me to.

As I said, this is not any easy life – but it is the life we have been called to live as a family and as long as we are in God’s will it will work out

-jan 🙂

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In Christ Alone,

Rev. Bro. Coach

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Surviving Bi-vocational Student Ministry- part 2: You Can’t Do it Alone

Posted by Rev. Bro. Coach on January 2, 2015
Posted in: The Mindful Minute. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

help_wanted-neonOne is definitely the loneliest number especially when you are talking about Student Ministry.  The one unequivocal truth is that part-time student pastors CAN NOT do it by themselves; so, stop trying.  As we look at the second installment of this series on surviving Bi-vocational student ministry, this is probably one of the biggest mistakes we make as part-time “youth guys.”  You see we are trying to do what the full-time guys don’t even try.  EVERY successful student ministry has a team of people who volunteer their time to make the ministry work.  I have been on the end where I was teaching Sunday school, bible study on Sunday nights, and bible study on Wednesday nights.  You add in all the events that everyone expects you to do AND your other full-time job and you get one very burned out student pastor. Here are some tips on how to avoid this problem:

FIRST: Find people who are willing to help- even in the smallest capacity and GIVE SOMETHING UP.  One of the most freeing things I ever did as a Student Pastor was giving up teaching Sunday School.  Now, if that is your only bible study for the week, by all means teach it.  However, I was teaching 3 times per week.  It was exhausting- especially since I teach high school all week long.  Finding someone to take one of your meeting times will do wonders for you & your group.  My good friend and Super Student Pastor, Jarred Morgan (seriously- I think the man has an S emblazoned on his chest, he is that good, but I digress), he wrote a blog this last year to help student pastors and he was quite frank when he said that most of our students come because of us- at least at first.  We would like to think that Jesus is the driving force behind them coming, but honestly, most students come because you care about them. This does not mean you have to be in front of them every second you are with them.  Other perspectives from people who also care is very important.  This frees you up to counsel those students who need you or disciple those who are new to the faith. Trust me, you are still doing your job and you are not cheating the students. In fact, by not teaching all the time, you are doing your job more so by being available to love on and care for your students when they need you. After all, that is why they come and that is why you put the time in.

SECOND: Sometimes the answer is “NO“, especially if you do not have the people in your congregation willing to help out and teach.  Let me reiterate, YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE!!! If I was in the same situation now that I was in when I started, I would give up one of the services.  Now, I know what you are thinking, but believe it or not, no one is going to condemn you to Hell for this- in fact, you’d be surprised how many volunteers tend to pop up when this is a possibility.  Truth is, if you are doing your job well, most congregations and yes, even your Pastor will forget that you are only part-time.  I have had countless conversations with my pastor where I have to look at him say, “You do remember that I am only part time and I’m not in the office everyday right?” And there are members of my congregation who still think that the student ministry is my only job (I have a great story about one of our elderly members calling me in the middle of one of my class lecture on the Byzantines to give them a ride to the store- but that’s for a later date).  None of it is intentional- in fact, if you are getting that, it probably means you are doing your job very well. Without help, however, you must say no or other parts of your life will begin to suffer (more on that in a later post in the series). Saying NO is one of the healthiest things you can do for your ministry as we will see in a later installment.  Remember this simple guideline- the more help you have, the more you can say YES.

LASTLY: Delegate and let them run with it.  No one likes helping a micro-manager. I know how protective of our ministries we can get.  For the longest time, I had the approach that since I have to answer for everything that happens, I must control everything.  The object is to get volunteers to help, not drive them off.  I had to learn this thanks to my wife, who explained to me that she was not going to help me anymore if I didn’t stop micro-managing.  To give you an idea of what that meant to me- my student ministry DOES NOT OPERATE without her. If I am the motor, she is the anchor that steadies everything that happens in my ministry- me, the students, I mean everything (ask my students- they will say the same thing).  I understand you want the best for your students, and by all means, don’t accept just anyone’s help.  It is your job to make sure that the people who stand before your students are biblically & theologically sound.  However, if you trust them to be in front of your students, teaching, then trust them to do just that.  Leave them alone with them, go plan, listen to their ideas, several brains are better than just one. In my case, I have 3 remarkable Sunday School teachers (HS boys, HS girls, and Middle School).  They take them to do things without me. All I ask is that they let me know they are doing something so I can answer questions if asked about it and so that I don’t schedule anything over them.  In the end, your students are better off because now they have several people pouring into them and they don’t have a grumpy, overworked student pastor who runs around too busy to be with them because of all the “stuff” they have to do.

In the end- it’s not about competing with the other student ministries to keep up. It is about pouring into the lives of the students that pulled you into ministry in the first place.  Don’t do them a disservice by trying to “keep up.” Love them, that is all they are asking for and find the people to help you make that happen.  After all, you can’t do it alone.

**A SPECIAL NOTE TO CHURCH MEMBERS WHO HAVE PART-TIME STUDENT PASTORS**  Please seek God’s will for your life in terms of the student ministry in your church.  These pastors are trying to meet a very important need and they can not do it alone. Seek how God would use you to help these special people who have effectively taken on another full time job simply because they care about the lives of their teenagers.

 

In Christ Alone,

Rev. Bro. Coach

 

**Please check out my good friend Jarred Morgan’s blog (which is far superior to mine) at http://jarredamorgan.com/

Surviving Bi-vocational Student Ministry- part 1: Understand & Embrace Your Call

Posted by Rev. Bro. Coach on November 24, 2014
Posted in: The Mindful Minute. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

bivocational1In the last 7 years of ministry, I have learned a lot. I would like to say that I learned these lessons because I was thoughtful and carefully planned each intricate detail to happen just right; but the reality is that most of the stuff I have learned, I have done so through trial and error- more error than anything. Through this system of trial and error, I have made so many mistakes that I have wondered at times if I would ever get anything right. It is in these failures that my identity as a student pastor emerged- an identity rising out of the ashes of the chaos that often characterizes my ministry. It is through these same ashes that I feel God has called me to share my experiences as a bi-vocational student pastor with others who are in similar situations. In the next few weeks, I hope to highlight what I have identified as 6 major themes or truths in the bi-vocational world. I hope these become a source of help for any bi-vocational student pastor who knows the constant struggle of the world where you are only part-time by title and pay.

So, you have been called to be a student pastor. When I think of the enormity of that calling, I often think of the scene in the Disney Classic, Aladdin, where the genie is describing to Aladdin what his life is like. The genie makes the statement that he has “phenomenal cosmic power- itty bitty living space.” If you have been in bi-vocational ministry for any length of time, you know that sums it up- a phenomenal calling on our lives- itty bitty fraction of time to get it done. In fact we could sit here and talk for hours about how little time we have to get anything done in our ministry. It’s that call, however, that drives us to give up our only free time on weekends, work 40+ hour jobs each week only to come home and put in 20-30+ more hours per week at home, church, and events with our students. It’s that call that forces us out of bed on Saturday to go lead a mission project when all we really want to do is sleep in for one Saturday in the year. Well, it’s this same call that I want to focus our attention on in this first installment.  As bi-vocational student pastors, we need to understand and embrace our call.phone

This is a struggle for me- in fact all 6 of these are struggles for me, that’s kind of why I’m writing this. This may be the first time that I am my own audience. My struggle lies in the fact that I want to be in full time ministry, but God has not revealed many details of His ultimate plan for me. I am perfectly happy at City View and there is no doubt that God has me with this great group of students for a reason, it is this very situation where I am learning to embrace my call. Because of my desire to be full time, I do my best to run City View Student Ministries like a full time student ministry.  Something wasn’t right though. I was constantly feeling like I was failing. We had a surge in students a couple of years into my ministry and we ballooned up to around 30, but since then I haven’t been able to push much past that number- I felt like a failure. Why weren’t we drawing more people in? What am I doing wrong? I eventually realized that my passion for being a full-time guy was getting in the way of my call. My call isn’t about numbers. My call is about ministering to a small church in the inner city who has very little means and resources, but has a heart for the lost of our community. I may never pastor a student ministry of 100 or even 50, but I might- only if God calls me to it. The day I stopped struggling on a regular basis, is the day I realized and embraced my call to minister to inner city kids in Knoxville and stop worrying about the numbers.

What is your call? Is God calling you to lead a certain demographic of student like He did me? Is He calling you to be a minister to a group of students who might get lost in the crowd of bigger churches? Pray and ask God what He has called you to do and then fulfill that call to the best of your ability. Your call is the only thing you need to fulfill. God has placed all of us where we should be, to accomplish a work that He will bless and use. Don’t waste precious time and energy trying to make your student ministry like others. Understand and embrace YOUR call for YOUR ministry and God will do wonders with it.

In Christ Alone,
Rev. Bro. Coach