Making marriages work these days seems to have taken a back seat to immediate satisfaction. As a society, we have tainted our idea of marriage and love and have traded reality in for fantasy. Hollywood certainly hasn’t helped with this as it continues to give unrealistic examples of how marriages are supposed to work. The fact of the matter is, marriage is work- plain and simple. It’s not only work, it’s hard work. In a fast paced society that no longer possesses the ability to delay gratification, marriages are just the next casualty in a long line of “I want it and I want it yesterday” type attitudes. People rush in to marriage seeking only the immediate gratification of being with someone instead of committing themselves to the work that it takes to make a marriage successful. Oh and that marriage you saw on the movies last week, keep in mind that it was likely played by an actor on their 3rd or 4th marriage.
As I was working on my book the other day, I thought it would be a good idea to share what has gone right in my marriage. I tend to keep my dating advice to the teen scene, but I realized that there are young people who read this that are getting ready to get married and this could be beneficial to them. So, I asked my wife to make a list of the top 5 things that, in her opinion, makes our marriage work. I did the same and we compared lists. It was mind blowing how similar they were. We couldn’t narrow it to five, so we took the top 6. You need to understand that we aren’t marriage counselors or licensed therapists, we are just a happy couple that has been that way for 15 years (11 1/2 of those years have been in marriage). So over the next few weeks, we are going to countdown the six things that have made our marriage work. I hope that you enjoy these and I hope that someone benefits from the experiences that my wife and I have had together.
#6- GET YOUR OWN LIFE…..
Trust me when I say that I mean that in the best way possible. One of the things that has really helped Jan and I over the years is that we don’t have to spend every waking minute in each other’s presence. Don’t get me wrong, I could do just that and be perfectly happy, but you must remember that you had a life before you were with them; you had friends and family and hobbies. You shouldn’t give all of that up simply because you got married. Ladies you had friends who liked to shop and go to movies. You went out to eat and you talked about things that were going on in your life. Gentlemen, you had your bros that you watched the game with, that you hunt and fish with, people that played golf with you. It is important that you still engage in some of those activities. Sure, you probably won’t do them as often as you used to, but it is very healthy for your relationship to have your own identity. It is very important that you allow each other to have this time in your marriage, simply because it allows you to miss each other. The benefits of being with your gal pals or your boys is not only fun, its therapeutic. You are able to go do the things that your spouse may not enjoy. A perfect example is baseball games. Jan loves for me to go to minor league games with my friends because that means she doesn’t have to go. Likewise, I don’t have to go see every Hunger Games movie that comes out because she can go with her friends. The bottom line is this. When you become man and wife, it should be forever, but that does not mean that your marriage should become a prison. Time away with your friends, doing your own things, is good for your marriage as long as you are respectful with the way you handle it and don’t try to go out every night. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Give yourself a chance to miss them.
Coming Soon…..#5 Sharing is Caring
In Christ Alone,
Rev. Bro. Coach